The Frustration of Unheeded Advice
Does advising your teen sometimes feel like talking to a brick wall? Don’t worry: new research indicates that even when your preteen or teen dismisses your advice, it’s likely having an impact. It may simply be stored away by your child, ready to be used at a later time.
The Nature of Adolescent Resistance
“The kids are at an age where they’re maturing and wanting to make their own decisions,” explained study lead author and University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign researcher Kelly Tu. “Their immediate response may be resistance or reluctance, but the advice about how to reframe the problem, consider other explanations, or think about what they are learning from the experience is sticking with them.”
Processing and Evaluating Advice
Even if kids don’t find the advice useful in a specific situation, they may encounter new experiences in middle school where they can apply strategies given by their parents. These strategies become part of their toolbox for handling academic challenges.
Study on Mother-Child Interaction
Kelly Tu, an associate professor of human development and family studies at the University of Illinois, published her team’s study in the May-June issue of the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. The research focused on 100 mother-child pairs where the child was in the fifth grade, an age Tu said is often tough socially and academically as kids transition from elementary to middle school.
Conversation Analysis
The study involved mother-child pairs spending five minutes discussing an academic problem the child had recently faced. “We wanted to understand what’s happening in actual conversations between parents and children,” Tu said. The focus was on academic challenges such as difficulty understanding schoolwork, boredom in class, or problems with time management, as academic expectations and pressure increase during this age.
Survey and Findings
Each child and their teacher completed a survey before and after the child’s first year in middle school. The survey measured how well the child was coping in school and their degree of social engagement. The findings indicated that when mothers advised their children on tackling academic issues, the responses often included active strategies to solve the problems.
Types of Advice and Children’s Responses
Common Advice Strategies
Three common pieces of advice the mothers gave included:
1. Cognitive Reappraisal: Reconsidering or reframing the nature of the problem, or viewing the issue as a learning experience.
2. Strategizing: Encouraging the child to find a solution themselves.
3. Help-Seeking: Pointing the child towards a friend, teacher, or family member who might help them sort out the issue.
Children’s Reactions
Unsurprisingly, these pearls of wisdom were often met with dismissal or vague responses such as “maybe” or “I don’t know.” However, Tu explained that in adolescence, many kids simply don’t want to appear like they are leaning on their moms for guidance anymore.
Impact of Rejected Advice
Despite these lukewarm reactions, reports from kids and their teachers indicated that the advice does sink in and helps children as they move forward. Interestingly, kids who had initially rejected or seemed indifferent to their mother’s cognitive reappraisal advice tended to improve more at school than those who embraced it.
The Value of Diverse Advice
Why Rejected Advice Works
Tu speculated that when a child accepts a mom’s advice, they might do so just to close down the conversation. On the other hand, rejected advice may linger in their minds, allowing them to process and apply it later.
The Importance of Variety
One of the key takeaways from the study is the importance of providing kids with a wide range of suggestions they can apply in different situations. This is especially crucial when youth are dealing with academic challenges. Even if they don’t seem receptive at the moment, some advice still has longer-term benefits.
Conclusion
Encouragement for Moms
For moms, this research offers a glimmer of hope and reassurance. Your efforts are not in vain, even if they seem unappreciated at times. Your advice is likely being absorbed, processed, and eventually used by your children as they navigate their academic and social challenges. Keep offering your wisdom and support, knowing that it is making a difference, even if the results aren’t immediately visible.
Future Research Directions
This study opens the door for future research into how children process and apply parental advice over time. Understanding the mechanisms behind this could further improve strategies for supporting children through their academic journeys.
Discover the latest GovHealth news updates with a single click. Follow DistilINFO GovHealth and stay ahead with updates on medical advancements. Join our community today!
